Top 10 Ways to be a Gas Guzzler

Here’s a post you probably wouldn’t expect to see on a website that’s dedicated to providing gas saving tips – the Top 10 Ways to be a Gas Guzzler.

It seems people are constantly complaining about the high gas prices – which are only going to get worse as 2007 moves along – yet far less are actually going about making an effort to get better gas mileage out of their vehicles.  So, I thought I would be a nice guy and go ahead and help out the people who complain about paying more at the pump but don’t actually go about doing anything about it.

So, without further ado, here are the Top 10 Ways to be a Gas Guzzler:

1. It’s not a highway, it’s a race track. In order to guzzle as much gas as you can you can’t drive like your grandmother. In order to be a good gas guzzler, your motto should be, “if going fast is wrong, I don’t want to be right.”
2. Your trunk was meant for storing your useless sports equipment. Since lighter cars tend to get better gas mileage, make sure you always keep your golf clubs, baseball equipment, etc. in your car’s truck.
3. Any time you need to go somewhere, make sure you drive, and if you have to take multiple trips, make sure you go on each one separately. If we weren’t supposed to drive everywhere then we wouldn’t have roads, we’d have more sidewalks.
4. Tune ups are for sissies. Enough said.
5. Sit in idle for as long as possible. Always remember, your gas mileage drops to 0 mpg when you have the car on and you’re not moving. Take you’re time, you shouldn’t feel rushed.
6. Mass transit is for hippies. Any time you go some place you should drive. Even if there’s a subway or bus stop right where you’re going, you should take your own car and never, under any circumstances, should you carpool.
7. Drive all over town to make sure you find the lowest gas price possible.  Who cares if the station right up the street is only 2 cents more?  Make sure you drive across town to get the cheapest gas possible.
8. Have no idea where you’re going before you get in the car.  If you want to make sure you’re doing a good job wasting gas, make sure you have no idea where you’re going before you start the car.  Remember, there’s nothing manly about asking for directions.
9. As long as there’s air, it needs to be conditioned.  No matter the temperature outside your car, nothing beats a nice cool breeze inside your car.  Make sure you always use your AC and never, ever use the vent.
10. Never take gas mileage into consideration when buying a vehicle – unless you’re trying to make sure you’re buying a vehicle with the lowest EPA estimated mileage possible.

As I’m sure most of you realize (I hope), I was being completely facetious with the above list, and in my own convoluted sort of way, I was trying to make a point.

The point I was trying to make was how ridiculously easy it is to get better gas mileage out of your car without having to drastically change your driving habits.  You mean to tell me that it’s really going to put you out to combine short trips or clean out the trunk of your car?  And is it really that much harder to try and drive close to the speed limit or running the vent as opposed to the air conditioning?

If we all found a way to increase our gas mileage by even just 5% – which should be relatively easy – we would save millions of gallons of gas and billions of dollars each year.